Leaving, and Arriving

Feels like a long time since I've written. And now, as I struggle to put words to thoughts, I realize how much I needed to write over the last two weeks. A shift occurred then. No longer were we constantly pulled 5 different directions in each instant. No longer do the day-to-day operations at the hospital require our direct intervention. Dr. Coles and Peter, our Haitian leadership, take care of it all. They do a darn good job, too. We've continued to tie up loose ends and tackle little projects. But the field hospital's biggest current needs stretch beyond what we as medical student coordinators can offer.

Not only have I felt more useless, and helpless, but also less vivacious. My energy dipped too low to sustain the desire I need for each day. I don't want to admit that feeling, the sense of dead weight, to even myself. I'm irritated about being tired. But I am tired.

So, it's time to move on. Take a short time at home to simply rest, and to reconnect with Haiti. My mind and spirit have been full time, full force on this hospital effort since February 1. I desperately need to step back, to reflect for a moment on this place. Why am I here? Where is my solidarity? How can I be an accompagnateur to this country, which draws me in ways I can scarcely describe?

I've been given an opportunity to work with Partners in Health at the state's public general hospital: HUEH, L'Hopital Universite de l'Etat d'Haiti. More to follow on the details, but would be a volunteer coordinator, etc... similar to what I've done over the past two months in Leogane. I spent a day and night there last week, with a PIH doctor and one of their current teams. There seems to be an active role to fill. I'm excited. And a little nervous. Both adjectives are understated.

Mom and Barrick arrived today to spend the week with me, as I tie up things here. We all leave Friday. At home, I hope to find a renewed way of being here. A way to enter each day with energetic humility: ready to work, ready to learn. The Catholic Worker attitude, as I first found this vivacity at Bethany House, living and working in the emergency women's shelter 4 years ago.

More reflections later on the leaving, and the plans for coming to a new place here. But I close this post with Peter's words: "You are going, so I will work doubly hard here. We can do this ourselves."